How (here) are you?
Here we are in the end of October. The air is beginning to be more consistently crisp here in Philadelphia, I saw a breathtaking display of red leaves vining all over the side of a building today, just behind a willow, caught in the morning sun.
It's been kind of a while now that many people I know try to avoid casual 'How are you?'s The world feels too messy, too intense, and too painful for many of us to have a simple answer to that question. And, even if we do feel truly joyful or content in the moment, sometimes sharing that can feel sensitive, knowing that others around us may be suffering.
I've heard good some creative alternatives: What's bringing you joy these days? How is such and such specific thing going in your life? It's so nice to see you...
What's coming to my mind today, more as a query than a greeting, is 'How here are you today?'
With so many pulls on our attention, and so much compelling (and sometimes distressing) information and stimulus available to us all at times, we often depart from the present moment in ways that actually create more distress.
This is not a new concept.
But lately I've been curious about the physiological experience of this all-too-common departure from present moment reality.
When we, for example, are sitting at our kitchen table, with the sun streaming in, and a nice warm breakfast in front of us, and a horrible story about [fill in the blank] pops up on our social feed. And suddenly, some part of us (to different extents perhaps for different people and moments) is there in that story, that place, that danger, that horror, and in our reactions and feelings about it...
That is a very complex moment.
The way I see it, our nervous systems are partially mapping onto a very real place and time that happens to be not actually where we are at the breakfast table. We are, in a sense, time/space traveling in our imaginations... and our bodies express that in very tangible ways: Whether or not we are aware in the moment, tension may build in our chest and throat, our gut might express some disgust, our breathing or heart rate might quicken.
It is actually kind of remarkable that our bodyminds can travel through time and space in this way, and imagine ourselves into a different reality than the one we are currently physically experiencing. It's part of what allows us to have empathy, to feel connected to the larger body of humanity and the earth, to pray, energetically care for, or be moved to take physical action on behalf of others. There is a power to this imaginal grafting our nervous systems can do.
But also, projecting our imaginations, and with them our sublte-body experience, on to something "not here," challenges us in a very primal way. We need to feel a sense of here – the weight of our body on the ground where we are – in order to feel OK on a basic level. And not only that, but we need to feel here, in order to be able to reach out to any other there.
And I don't just mean this metaphorically. Try reaching for a cup on the counter while purposely destabilizing your feet, and you'll see what I mean.
How here we are in this moment has everything to do with how effective we can be 'out there', and, of course, how how much wellbeing we can experience within our own bodies and lives. But, we can often go many hours, days and more without realizing we're not so 'here' ... not so connected to the physical reality where reside ... not experiencing the simple pleasures ready to nourish us right here... not aware of the alarm bells that might be calling out in our bodies.
So how do we skillfully manage the incredible human capacity (and tendency) we have to empathically travel through time and space, while also tending our animal bodies that thrive on sensing the ground beneath us, and the air that touches our skin?
It's a dance, for sure.
But perhaps you could start with the question 'How here am I?', and then notice how your body is expressing stress or pleasure or anything else in this very moment.
And then –and it doesn't have to be long practice – you could take a breath, and see if you can drop your weight into the ground or your chair just a bit more.
Look around the room where you are and notice just a few things that feel beautiful to you.
Notice what changes in your breathing, your energy, your inner movement or impulses to move.
And when you're ready, or when something beyond this room just grabs your attention again, maybe you can bring a little bit of that newfound sense of connection with the ground with you. Or you can invite just a bit more awareness of what's going on inside you, as you read or watch about something far away.
If you'd like to explore this more with me, I'll be offering a teaching and practices about managing our attention, and supporting our physical and emotional wellbeing, as we weave between present moment reality and whatever else calls our attention, next Tuesday (in honor of Election Day,) as part of our Embodied Living Community.
*NEW WORKSHOP!*
Here, There and Everywhere
Time travel and self care for empaths in a hurting world
Next Tuesday 11/4/25
11-12:30pm EST
This workshop is being offered as part of our ongoing Embodied Living Community. Join us for this month or more, and cancel any time - no strings attached!
Hope to see you there :)
♡ Lee
